FFIX Like You've Never Seen it Before
by Hestia
Summary: Basically, what I've done is taken the original characters, the original story line, and made it so much better, you Won't Believe It's Not Butter! And don't forget, Misato and the Neon Genesis Evangelion crew do commercial breaks!!!


Welcome to my Final Fantasy IX fan fiction

Welcome to my Final Fantasy IX fan fiction. I love the video game!!! But I'm warning you, don't read this if you haven't beaten the game. This story takes place from Memoria to the end of the game. This story will definitely give away all the secret philosophies, ya' know, the life to death, death to nothingness. Stuff like that. So... if you still want to read, enjoy!!! Another warning (reader now screams, "GET ON WITH THE STORY") this story will not be serious, it will not be meaningful, it will not be romantic, but I sure hope it's worth a laugh.

Into the Big Shiny Pink Ball of Light

(enter ???, disk four)

"Hey, look everyone! A big, shiny pink thing!" Zidane yelled, pointing at a quite large ball of pink hovering over the Lifa Tree. "Let's fly right into it!!!"

"But what if we all die instantly?" Dagger (Garnet) asked.

"What." Zidane said.

"Nothing." Dagger said, walking over to Eiko and Vivi, who were engaged in a conversation about how meaningless life is, and crap like that.

"That look like big gumdrop!!! I eat!!!" Quina said, running up to the light and smashing into the glass window of the airship, The Invincible. "Ow. Eat is a no no."

"Shut up" Steiner said to Quina. Cause, you know, who cares about Quina anyway? But, to tell the truth, who cares about Steiner, either? Whatever, life goes on... but maybe it won't! But of course, it probably will, because if you lose the final battle in this game, you can just go back to the save point right before you battle Trance Kuja.

Now, Freya is supposed to say something like, I never thought our reunion in Treno would take me this far, but I'll see this battle through to the end'. But, of course, that's really stupid. Now, she says, "Zidane, I'm going to die and it's all because of our reunion in Treno. I hate you, jerk." Ahh, that's much better.

"Okay, we're goin' in!" Zidane says, taking whatever it is you steer the invincible with and driving straight into the pink thing.

"Ooh, look at all the Lugias!!!" Eiko said, jumping up and down.

"How many times do I have to tell you, this is not Pokémon, it's another RPG called Final Fantasy IX!!!" Dagger shouted.

"Ooh, aah. Look, it's the Nova Dragon!" Zidane said. Then, mysteriously, they found themselves off of the ship, holding all their weapons, and facing the Nova Dragon. (Ya' know, really. How did they suddenly get off the ship in the video game?)

***COMMERCIAL BREAK***

Misato: Hi, we're here to tell you to not read this.

Shinji: Yeah, there are better things to do, like watch my TV show-

Asuka: OUR TV show, STUPID.

Shinji: Our TV show-

Misato: Neon Genesis Evangelion!

Shinji: You know, I've been thinki-

Rei: Am I late for the commercial shoot?

Misato and Asuka: YES!!!

Shinji: Why does everyone keep interupti-

***END COMMERCIAL BREAK***

"Yay! We beat im!!!" Eiko said, jumping up and down.

"Boy was he tough... not!!!" Zidane said, giving Vivi a high five. "Boy, that time when he did Holy, and almost knocked me out, but Eiko came in with a Curaga but I had auto- reflect so it worked on the enemy!!! Now that was cool!!! Back on the ship, everyone."

Everyone excitedly hurried back onto the ship except for Dagger.

"Zidane?" Dagger asked, quietly.

"Ye." He answered.

"Don't you think we should take this a little more seriously? I mean, we could all die!"

"Hey Zidane, do we have any more of that honey-scented air freshener? Steiner took a huge dump, and it stinks all the way to the bedrooms!!!" Vivi yelled, from down the stairs, near the living quarters on the ship.

"No, I think Quina ate it!" Zidane yelled back. "You were saying, Dagger?"

"Uh, never mind." she said and walked away.

"Does anyone know the meaning of life?" Freya asked, out of the blue.

"Forty-two!" Eiko shouted.

"To Eat!!!" Quina said, licking his/her lips.

"Eat, drink, and be merry!" Steiner said, raising a glass of wine that he somehow got.

Amarant just shook his head.

"To open as many cans of Whoop-Ass as you can!" Zidane yelled.

"To do whatever you want, all the time!" Vivi added.

"I think the meaning of life is death, because everything that exists will die someday." Dagger said. Everyone just turned and stared at her, like she was some sort of stupid, retarded, orphan girl. Not just a plain, orphan girl, like we all know she was.

"You party pooper." Eiko said, as everyone silently walked out of the room, leaving Dagger standing alone.

Into Weird Place with Lots of Strange Visions

(enter Memoria, disk four)

"You stand here, you get beamed down to ground. There same mark on ground outside, you stand on, you come back up to ship." Quina said, pointing to a strange, shining symbol on the floor of the Invincible, then jumping on and disappearing.

"Worth a try." Zidane said, jumping on, then disappearing. Next Vivi, then Freya, followed by Amarant, Steiner, and Eiko. After Dagger was alone on the ship, she carefully stepped on, following the others.

They all found themselves on a long, stone bridge leading up to a large, stone castle.

"Ooh, look at all the loose stones!!!" Eiko said, picking up some small ones and putting them in her pocket.

"Come on, people, let's go in, even though we don't know if it's safe and if we will die!!!" Zidane said, motioning toward the castle. "Yes?" Zidane said, looking around.

_Zidane..._

"Yes?" Zidane said, stupidly.

Everyone else was looking around, for whom Zidane was talking to. When they didn't see anyone, they all gave him the, stupid, retarded, orphan girl look.

_Zidane..._

"Whozat?" Zidane said, extremely stupidly.

_Who do you think!!!_

"Uh..." Zidane said.

_You idiot, it's Garland!!!_

"Oh, hey man! How's it going? Haven't seen ya' in a while, buddy!!!" Zidane said.

_Oh, god. Just go into the damn castle. It's a place called Memoria, go forth to find the truth, dumbass._

"Garland? Garland! Speak, boy!!!" Zidane yelled at the sky.

"You were talking to Garland?" Freya asked.

"Yeh, he said this place was called Memoria. So, anyway, let's go!!!"

They all walk into the castle, finding themselves at the bottom of a stone staircase. A small, pink, floating orb was at the top.

"This place is cool!!!" Eiko yelled. Her voice shook the entire castle, and a piece of the stone ceiling fell out of its place. Because it just _had_ to fall on some one's head, naturally, it fell on Dagger's. Who would've guessed.

Zidane ran up to the pink, floating orb (we'll just call it the pfo for future notice) and stuck his hand in. "Hey guys, do we want to Save', Tent', or Choose Party Members'?"

"I love parties!" Eiko shouted in Dagger's ear. Dagger then covered her face with her hands and walked off into a lonely corner mumbling something unintelligible.

"Kay, hmm, looks like we can only choose four people to come to the party, so... who wants to come to the party!!!" Zidane said. (the party members will be the same that I chose. Sorry to brag, but I consider myself very good at this game. If you did not heed my warning at the top of the page about not reading this if you haven't beaten this game, and you need help, feel free to e-mail me. A little tip: I play with the mages, they will do the most damage of any characters, Vivi and Dagger- Damage doers. Eiko-Curaga and Esuna.) "I will go to the party, and I'm inviting, Vivi, Dagger, and... Freya!" Vivi and Freya acted very excited, while Dagger just said, "Damn" and kept mumbling to herself.

"I hate you, Zidane!!!" Eiko said, folding her arms over her chest.

Another tip: Freya, even at a lower level to Zidane, will do more damage than he, using Jump. This move is also good defensively, but not if Freya is the only character fighting (like if all your other characters were KO'd). Freya's "Lancer" attack, is also very impressive. For only 10 MP, Freya will do a large sum of damage to a target and also remove a considerable amount of that target's MP. Therefore, my ultimate offensive Party would be Zidane, Vivi, Dagger, and Freya. My defensive Party consists of Zidane, Vivi, Dagger, and Eiko. Back to the story...

"Follow, and I'll lead!" Zidane said, marching off, straight into a stone pillar.

"Ooh, that's gotta hurt!" Vivi said, cringing.

"All the king's knights and all the king's men, could not put Humpty back together again." Zidane said, falling very drunkenly to the floor, after spitting out a few teeth.

"I'll lead." Dagger said, the only person who wasn't laughing his, her, or his/her head off, walking off down the long, stone corridor.

Zidane, regaining consciousness, sat up. It took him a little while to notice that his group had left, then he stood up and yelled, "You can't have the party without me!"

The group, including Zidane, walked around for a while, until they came upon a very long, red, snake-like thing that wanted to kill them.

"You're not going to live for long, Maliris!!!" Zidane said, pulling out his Orichalcons and running up to slice the monster.

***COMMERCIAL BREAK***

Asuka: Another great commercial break brought to you by the people at Neo-

Shinji: Neon Genesis Evangelion!!!

Asuka: Quit interrupting me, twirp!

Shinji: Well, you people always interrupt m-

Misato: Stop fighting, you two!!!

Asuka and Shinji: Stay out of this, Misa-

Rei: I came as fast as I could, there's an emergency down at the Geofront!!!

Shinji: C'mon, guys. We gotta he-

***END COMMERCIAL BREAK***

"Hey, wait a minute, how come at every battle scene, the show always cuts to a commercial break?" Zidane said, scratching his head while pulling one of his Orichalcons out of Maliris' dead carcass.

"Maybe the Author is sitting in a big, comfy chair, picking her nose and scratching her butt, and is just too damn lazy to write the battle scenes. (That's not true, it's just that I cannot write battle scenes because they were probably different to everyone else who's played the game, then they were for me. But when fighting Maliris, here's a tip: Use Vivi's Water, Watera or Waterga attacks before Maliris uses Reflect. Then use Focus and start up the Comet attacks. Be careful for her Flame Swords attack. For my battle, I didn't need my white magic, so just summon. You might need white magic, But every one of my team characters (Zidane, Dagger, Vivi, Freya, Eiko) knows Auto-Regen, a support ability that, when activated, will steadily increase the character's HP. It is taught by Golden Hairpin, an item that you can buy in the Mogshop at Ipsen's Castle. If you don't have it, I suggest you go back and buy it before you proceed.)

"I think there are no battle scenes because every single battle, even against the same enemy, will never be the same as any other." Dagger added, quietly. Everyone gave her the "stupid, retarded, orphan girl look". (Like usual.)

"Yes?" Zidane said.

"Huh?" Eiko said, now turning the "S(tupid)R(etarded)O(rphan) girl look" to Zidane.

"Oh, hey Garland." Zidane said. "What's that, something about Terra? Cool. Assassination? Oh, assimilation! Gotcha. Hey, don't call me a human wasteland! That's a _Genome_ wasteland, thank you very much! Hmph, no respect for the person who defeated him..."

"Um, Zidane." Dagger said timidly. "What exactly did Garland say?"

"He said something about... um... Terra being old, and, uh... assassination between Terra and Gaia." Zidane said, scratching his head.

"You mean, assimilation." Freya corrected.

"Yeah, whatever." Zidane muttered.

"Oh NO!!! This is TERRIBLE!!!" Dagger shouted so loud that more of the ceiling fell, this time hitting our number one idiot, Ziddie. (Sometimes I call Zidane, Ziddie, Vivi, Vivles, Dagger, Daggie. As you can see, I am very attached to this video game. I walk around my house shouting, "Zidane is alive!!!". Not one of my family members does not know the story of Ziddie's post-game drama.)

"What's terrible." Ziddie said.

"TERRA'S GONNA TAKE OVER GAIA!!!!!" Dagger shouted, putting her hands on her cheeks like a worried mother.

"Hmm, Terra. Gaia. whut?" Ziddie said, tripping over a loose stone.

"ya know, Gaia. The world we live in." Vivi said, walking over to Zidane.

"We? Who're you?" Ziddie said, looking extremely stupid, like usual.

"You're brain _is_ a wasteland. Garland was right." Vivi said, clubbing Zidane on the head with his Octagon Rod. (Anyone who has Vivles' Cypress Pile is way behind in the game. It costs a lot, but the Octagon Rod raises attack and teaches Firaga, Blizzaga _and _Thundaga in one item. You can buy it at Esto Gaza.) Ziddie then falling unconscious to the ground.

"This happens a lot, doesn't it.?" Steiner said, looking at Ziddie on the ground.

"What?" Vivles' asked.

"Zidane falling unconscious on the ground."

Eiko used Life on Zidane and they walked off.

"Aah, a monster." Zidane said, preparing to fight.

***COMMERCIAL BREAK***

(The viewer notices four empty chairs, and a note taped to one. Camera pans to note.)

Note reads: **be back soon, emergency at the Geofront-Misato **

***END COMMERCIAL BREAK***

"Cool, let's keep going." Freya said, stepping over the dead body of a monster that looked a lot like a winged dragon.

Into the... Ocean?!?

(Memoria, disk four)

"Fish, fish!!! Everywhere, I eat!!! I swim! I eat fish in ocean! God dammit, look at the fish!!!" Quina said swimming around at the bottom of an ocean. Then Zidane walked in.

"Quina, can you breathe?" Zidane asked, sarcastically.

"Yes... no, NO, ack, can no breath!!! Save me, you jerk!" Quina said, drowning.

"Just think that there's no ocean, because there isn't, doofus." Zidane said. Quina dropped to the floor and promptly stopped drowning. Everyone else walked into the room, and gave Quina the "s.r.o. girl look". They all got to a staircase, and walked up it, and found themselves above the ocean (that's what happens when you go up from the bottom).

"Ohh, cool. I can skip rocks!!!" Eiko said, skipping rocks five or six times on the smooth surface of the ocean. They were the loose stones she had picked up earlier.

"Lemme try." Ziddie said, taking some stones from Eiko. He threw one, but it just fell down to the floor below. They could all hear a sound like stone on stone from below.

"Haha, dumbass." Steiner said, throwing a metal glove at Ziddie's face. Zidane sat down on the ground. Everyone looked at him. He was crying.

"Okay, no one cares, let's hit the road." Vivi said. Everyone murmured in agreement and left the room. Zidane stopped crying. "Boo-hoo." says he.

"FER GOD'S SAKE!!!" Ziddie could hear from the next room, along with some various shrieks and screams. "Prob'ly a monster." Ziddie said, and ran into the next room.

***COMMERCIAL BREAK***

There are four empty chairs, one has a note on them. Misato runs into the room, rips the note off of the chair and sits down. Shinji and Asuka follow her.

Misato: Hi, we're (pant) back and (pant) out of breath.

Shinji: I ran pretty fa-

Asuka: I run faster than you.

Shinji: No you do-

Misato: Stop fighting!!! How come you two work together piloting the Evas, defeating Angels and saving the world, but you can't simply do a COMMERCIAL SHOOT!?!

Shinji and Asuka: We're sorry, Misato.

Asuka: It's just that Shinji's so damn annoying!

Shinji: How dare you call me annoyi-

***END COMMERCIAL BREAK***

(I just want to say that about here I stopped trying to remember how the order of the rooms went in, there was another save point, and Garland said something, and they all climbed a ladder that went into the big red eye of the Invincible, and some other crap like that. So sooner or later they find themselves in a sort of marble gazebo place that's floating around in space)

They all get in a battle with the skeleton guy who claims to be the Earth guardian of Terra. Cool, huh?

***COMMERCIAL BREAK***

Misato: Wow, these story segments are getting shorter and shorter.

Shinji and Asuka nod in agreement.

Now for some strange reason, Ranma-chan runs into the room with Ryoko hot on her trail.

Ryoko: I'll get you, you dirty sex-changing dishonorable god damn son of a bitch who was catapulted outa yo momma's ass into a monster truck rally where your brain was wracked up into a million fucking pieces!!!

Ranma-chan: Nyah Nyah!

Ryoko and Ranma-chan both stop quickly, look directly at the camera, and smile and wave.

Ryoko and Ranma-chan: Oh yeah, and be sure to watch and read-

Ryoko: Tenchi Muyo!!!

Ranma-chan: Ranma 1/2!!!

Studio Producer walks into the room and dumps a bucket of hot water on Ranma-chan's head and she turns back into Ranma-kun.

Studio Producer: You two get back to set 14 now or the author's gonna kick yer butts.

Ryoko and Ranma-kun: Yes ma'am!

(read my other story, Ryo-Ohki Through Time)

They walk out of the room, leaving only Misato, Shinji, and Asuka. Rei walks in.

Rei: Am I late for the commercial shoot?

***END COMMERCIAL BREAK***

So now our friends are all standing on the edge of a platform that just falls off into space. (sorry if I'm wrong, but I don't care if I skipped parts, let's just say it happened during the commercial break.) So they're all standing there, looking stupid, wondering what to do, except Dagger, of course, she just walks off the platform and walks off into space and disappears in a ball of light.

"Wow, how'd she do that?" Ziddie said, scratching his head.

Behind him, everyone started chanting, "Leap of Faith! Leap of faith!"

Then Daggie dropped out of the sky and landed on the platform with the others. "Are you retarded, or just morons?"

I don't think anyone quite knew how to answer that question.

"I want to play hide and seek." Eiko said.

"Whut." Dagger answered, not believing what a bunch of morons these people were.

"I want to play chess!" Steiner said.

"Chess. You want to play chess. You can't be serious." Dagger said, hanging her head.

"Let's play Follow the Leader!" Ziddie said.

"What, Follow the leader? How stupid can you ge- wait that's a great idea. Zidane, you're so stupid, you're a genius!" Dagger said, excitedly.

"I am?" Ziddie asked.

"No, you're a moron!!!" Dagger said, jumping up and down from happiness.

"I want to be the leader." Freya said.

"No, I am!" Eiko screamed.

"I could blow you all to bits, so I'm the leader." Vivles said.

"I am!"

"No, I am!"

"I want to be the leader!"

And so went on for several minutes until...

"FER CHRIST'S SAKE, I AM THE LEADER YOU IDIOTS!!!"

Everyone turned to Dagger. Everyone started to look like they were holding their breath. Every started laughing hysterically.

"What, what is so funny?" Dagger asked, looking like she was going to cry.

"oh, it's..." Eiko started to say, but started laughing again.

"nothing, really." Vivi finished, in between laughs.

"What?" Dagger said, now really looking like she was going to cry.

Now Freya, the second most sane person on this trip, gained control of herself. "Your fly's open."

Dagger looked down, turning more angry than sad, then turned around and zipped it up. "May I ask why it's so hysterically funny?"

"Well, for starters, in the entire course of this video game, no one ever goes to the bathroom, or changes clothes!!!" Zidane said, ROTFL. (rolling on the floor laughing, Yay Dave Barry).

Dagger looked sort of relieved at this answer. "You realize, Zidane, that you had to have used some brain power to arrive at that answer?"

"Really, that's awesome!!!" Zidane said, still ROTFL.

"I just so happy that I didn't fall in love with a _complete_ moron."

Now, everyone immediately stopped laughing, and stared at Dagger. It was completely silent.

Vvvvvvveeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy qqqqqqquuuuuuuiiiiiiieeeeeettttttttt..................

(very quiet...)

"Wow, so who's the lucky "not a complete moron" that you fell in love with. If you're too shy, I'll write him a love letter for you!!!" Zidane said.

"Alright, I take that back, he is a complete moron." Dagger said, covering her face with her hands. "God dammit, I'm sorry mother."

Into Party Land

(enter Crystal World, disk four)

All right readers, its party time. We're having a commercial marathon. Only the best from the Neon Genesis group (Evangelion, that is). Since now in the game one would encounter recreations of the Chaos Guardians, the game gets a little repetitive and boring. So while our heroes are risking life and limb, we're sitting here making fun of Shinji.

***COMMERCIAL BREAK***

Misato: I just heard about this marathon, thing, but I still don't know what it is. What is it, one really long commercial?

A studio worker wearing an intercom headset walks into the room and whispers something into Misato's ear.

Misato: Oh really? okay.

Studio worker walks out of the room.

Misato: It turns out that all this time, during commercials we were supposed to be advertising our show...

Asuka: Really?

Shinji: What a big surprise. So...

Misato: Watch

Asuka: our

Shinji: show

All together: Neon Genesis Evangelion!!!

...

...

...

...

Misato: So, what do we do now?

Shinji: How should I kno-

Asuka: You don't know because you're stupid!!!

Shinji: Don't call me stu-

Asuka: Stupid, stupid, stupi-

Rei: I'm late, right?

Asuka: Of course not, wonder girl. YOU'RE REALLY REALLY LATE!!!

Shinji: We're doing a mara-

Misato: Now that Rei's actually here, let's let her say something...

...........................

...................

...................................

..............................

***END COMMERCIAL BREAK***

***COMMERCIAL BREAK***

Misato: Turns out we weren't supposed to be finished for a couple more minutes.

Rei: Hi.

Asuka: Why did you just say that?

Rei: I don't know what to say or feel at a time like this...

Shinji: Why don't you try smile-

Asuka: STOP RECITING LINES FROM THE SHOW!!!

Misato: I don't know, I think it's sort of sweet.

Asuka: I think it's sort of crap.

Shinji: I can do whatever I wa-

***END COMMERCIAL BREAK***

"Woohoo Par - tee Land!!! I love this Party Heaven. The music's just got a nice beat to it!!!" Zidane said, dancing like a fruit that had fallen a little too far from the tree.

It was obvious that Steiner was break dancing, and Eiko was trying to break dance. Everyone else (besides Dagger of course) just seemed to be enjoying themselves.

"Ahh, well, I see you have found the crystal world, but you're too late. The crystal's goin' down." Trance Kuja said, walking out from a parallel dimension.

"The Crystal's goin' do - own! The Crystal's goin' down. Woo!!!" Zidane said to the beat of the music, break dancing along with Steiner.

"Uh, umm. The Crystal supports all life!" Kuja said, trying to gain Zidane's attention.

"All life woo! All life woo! The Crystal supports all life woo!" Zidane said, doing some incredibly stupid dance moves. 

"STOP DANCING!!!" Kuja and Dagger yelled at the same time. They turned to look at each other, then Dagger giggled and turned away.

"OOOOOOOO!" Freya said, putting her elbow on Dagger's shoulder. "What was THAT!!! You sly girl!"

"I can't do it, Captain. I just don't have the power!!!" Zidane said, pulling his ears up so that he looked like Spak from Star Trek.

"Break it down, break it down!!!" Vivi said, spinning upside-down on the point of his hat.

"STOP DANCING FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. YOU'RE ALL MORONS!!!" Kuja and Dagger yelled at the same time. Kuja turned to Dagger. "You wanna go out with me?" he asked.

"Sure." came Dagger's reply. Kuja took Dagger's hand and led her into a dimension portal. When they disappeared, the music promptly stopped. Everyone stopped dancing. When Zidane finally realized that Dagger was gone, all he said was, "Yay."

Some weird, large crystal thing fell out of the air. And who's head do ya' think it hit? You guessed it, ta-daa! Zidane.

"Ow." Zidane said, rubbing the back of his head. He looked at what had just hit him, which was now lying on the ground. "Wow! Shiny object!!!" He reached for it. Just then, Eiko slipped and fell down, kicking the Crystal off the edge of the pathway.

"Uh, oh." Eiko said, getting up.

"Now look what you've done!!!" Freya yelled at Eiko. "You deserve a dummy-slap!"

"ROAR, RAWR!!!" a monster roared (well, duh) from below the pathway. The monster know to us as Deathguise, but not known at all to our heroes, flew up above them and started shooting them with fireballs. For battling Deathguise: Use the water-element attacks, if he uses reflect DO NOT use comet, that triggers his Meteor attack which is very scary. Some monsters can compress, like the Serpents use Curl to get extra defense. When Deathguise compresses, Focus up and use Flare. Zidane hopefully has MP Attack as a support ability, at this point in the game, activate it before battle, it uses MP but does a good 2,000 more damage per hit and ups the chance of Critical Hit. Dagger- Leviathan, Bahamut, Alexander. Freya- Lancer, Jump.

"You have my Shiny Thing!!!" Zidane yelled, jumping up holding his Orichalcons to strike the monster.

***COMMERCIAL BREAK***

Misato: Well, we used up most of our material.

Shinji: We don't have anything funny left to sa-

Asuka: He's right, you know.

Shinji: I'm going to let that one slide.

Misato: Gee, I'm going to call a friend.

She somehow gets a phone and starts dialing numbers.

Misato: What, the Goddess Technical Help Line? I must have the wrong number. Come over? You've got to be kidding!

Belldandy of course, walks through the door.

Belldandy: One wish, make it quick, I'm off duty.

Misato: Uh

Asuka: Uh

Shinji: Here's a wish. End this commercial shoo-

***END COMMERCIAL BREAK***

Into... wait, where the hell are we?!?

(enter final battle, disk four)

"YAY. We beat im!!!" Zidane said, holding the Crystal close.

"And without Dagger!!!" Eiko said, jumping on Zidane's back.

"Whoa!." Zidane said as he fell over. The Crystal fell out of his hand and shattered on the floor.

"NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!!!" Freya screamed in Eiko's face.

"Sorry..." Eiko said, like she was about to cry.

"Hahaha. I am the one who brings all life to the land of nothingness!!!" said a deep, dark voice seeming to come from all around them.

"Whozat?" Ziddie said. Everything turned black for a moment, and when it cleared, they were all in a strange building like a cylinder with no floor and no roof.

Now right about here I would normally put in a commercial break, but it being the last battle of the entire game, I'm not. Simple enough? Good. Now, feel the power of a good moron...

"I'm flying!!!" Ziddie said, twirling around in the air, floating.

"Hoo doggie!!!" Vivi said, doing some weird acrobatics.

"Like a bird!" Eiko said, flapping her arms like wings.

"Nonono, c'mon. We're supposed to battle, and you're supposed to save life itself, and I, the badest badest bad guy who is the absolute most deadly thing there ever can be, should be defeated?" A weird-looking blue thing with spinning rings around him said.

"How can you be bad if there is no life in your world to create good?" Freya asked.

"And how can you be deadly, if you live in a land where there is no life to die?" Zidane asked, giving Freya a mid-air high-five.

"Alright, I'm just a big fake." The big blue thing said. Then it reached up with it's hand, grabbed the top of its head, and pulled it's entire body off revealing... a distinctly female figure that looked like Zidane both in scale and appearance.

"Mikoto!" Zidane yelled.

"Yup." Mikoto answered.

"Why?" Zidane asked.

"Because... because I didn't have a big enough role in the story plot. I was just another character, made to tell the player of the video game about Terra and the Genomes. I didn't really have a part in the story!!!" Mikoto said, on the verge of tears.

"Well, duh. That's not a good reason." Vivles said, shrugging his shoulders.

"YOU SHUT UP!!!" Mikoto yelled.

"Girl, that's my line." A voice said from somewhere.

"Dagger!!!!" Everyone except Mikoto shouted.

"Wait, what happened to Kuja?" Zidane asked.

Dagger shrugged her shoulders. "We were taking a nice stroll in the Lifa Tree and Kuja got lost somewhere, oh well. Now I know who I really love. "She said as she cupped her hands around Zidane's face and pulled his lips close to hers and

***COMMERCIAL BREAK***

Misato: PG, PG!!!

Shinji: after that nice string of four letter words Ryoko introduced-

Asuka: Ya' still think this story would be PG???

Misato: Well, I guess not...

Asuka: That's the spirit. Free from the bonds of PG movies and shows.

Shinji: Move on to PG13 a-

Asuka: Maybe even R!

Shinji: NC-17

Asuka: or even...

Both: X!!!

Misato: Alright, I think you've scared the readers enough.

Shinji: We were just getting starte-

***END COMMERCIAL BREAK***

Now everyone's back home and happy. Kuja's supposed to call for Zidane now. But frankly, I think Zidane's an idiot. If some guy tried to kill me and destroy all of existence, I wouldn't help him. What a doofus!!! 

_Zidane..._

"Hey people, people, hold up. I think I heard Kuja." Zidane said.

_Zidane... help, I'm in the Lifa Tree..._

"Oh, screw you, ass-hole." Zidane said.

***THE END***

Misato: G'bye, everyone.

Shinji: Unless you read this story over, we'll never meet again, dear reade-

Asuka: BYE BYE OH I'M SO SAD!!!

Rei: I'm late, right? I thought so.


End file.
